Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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