dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
