flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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