I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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