I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize