words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
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woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
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My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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