This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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