mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Found the puke drawer
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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