Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
