Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
