i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
