He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
