I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
