you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
True strength comes from lack of pants
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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