to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
