So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
