East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
