I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize