At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
