i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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