you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
