Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
