Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I need a burrito and a hug.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
