i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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