I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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