I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
