drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
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You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
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I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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