so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
