I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
