It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
