So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
