i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
