matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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