I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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