my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
