And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
