dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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