I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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