Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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