i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
