I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
