I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
