I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize