I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
