brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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