Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I would ride that face into the sunset
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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