I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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