This house was built for laser tag.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
