meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
