You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
