She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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