I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
