I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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