sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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