he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
