gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
