I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
