I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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