Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
