I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
