Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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