Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
