so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
