we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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