if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just gift wrapped bread.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
